There are 16 races in a typical cyclocross event, but there are only 7 viable hours, so classes have to double and triple up. 35+ is usually paired with 55+, which starts one minute after 35+. Second-rate classes such as 65+ don't get their own start, they go with 55+, but in the back of the pack, so we tend to get lapped.
After the leader finishes, the next racers are allowed to pre-ride the course for 10 minutes or so, but they cannot pass anyone who is still racing, no matter how slow he or she is.
I finally got to raise my hands as I crossed the finish line, but in one hand, I held my bike.
At West Chester last Sunday, the 65+ class was just Nunzio, Steve and I. Nunzio passed me on the second straightaway, but I stayed on his wheel the whole first lap. On the second lap, to my surprise, I passed him somewhere in the back 40 and held the lead for a while. Then I heard what sounded like a shotgun blast. I even felt it hit my bike, so I stopped cold. Alas, the blast was actually my back tire "burping" ( Click for burp example (not cyclocross - mountain bikers are insane) ). The tire was hopelessly flat, so I shouldered the bike and started running. You may recall that everyone finishes on the same lap as the leader, so all I had to do was keep going until the leader finished the race. It doesn't matter how you finish, just whether you and a bike finish, staying inside the crime scene tape. Run, walk, hitchhike, ne c'est pas.
I ran the half-lap to the finish line, the announcer (there's an announcer) made a big deal of "Jimmy" running the course, "and he's 68". I corrected him:"68 and a half".
But age does not confer wisdom. I crossed the finish line while the leader was still racing, so I had to run a whole 'nother lap. When I finally finished, the announcer exhorted the crowd to "give it up for Jimmy, who ran a whole lap". I corrected him: "a lap and a half".
All in all, I ran a 5K with my bike on my shoulder. I was last, of course, but I still came in second to Nunzio in 65+ because Steve burped TWO tires and called it a day.
During my half-hour run, I imagined that spectators and riders alike would be uplifted by the human interest story of the codger whose life-affirming spirit propelled him to the finish, despite all odds. In reality, a bunch of unhappy pre-riders were jammed up behind me waiting to test the course. I don't know how they got all those pitchforks so quickly.
If I had it to do over, I would put my old singlespeed bike in the pits before the race. The pros swap bikes every lap when it's muddy, so I could have swapped my damaged bike for the singlespeed and kept riding. Before this race, I never had a mechanical problem, so a pit bike seemed like too much trouble: "If I have a mechanical problem, I'll just run". I may rethink that policy.
Or I could have dawdled until the leader finished, rather than run another 2.2 mile lap. Better yet, I could have teamed up with fellow burp victim, Steve. We could have hung out 50 feet from the finish, smoking cigarettes and shooting craps, then after the winner finished, sprinted to the line carrying our bikes. It would have been glorious, despite the utter meaningless of the outcome.
So, the singlespeed bike on which I won the 2014 PA State Championship (33 days left) is not just for nostalgia, it could be the Plan B that spares me future public humiliation.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Monday, October 19, 2015
So far, so mediocre
In "Taking the Fork in the Road", I proved mathematically that I will win the 2017 cyclocross Nationals. The very foundation of mathematics is in doubt, however, because there is a growing body of evidence that 2017 might not be a sure thing after all.
For this racing season, I had three things going for me: gears, nation-leading points, and a new 65+ class, even better for me than a 60+ class. All I had to do was get good starts and stay in front of a bunch of old guys - how hard could that be? Perhaps late in the season, after I had an insurmountable lead in cumulative points, I would allow someone else a little glory. I pretty much expected to win every race just by showing up. But there was one thing I didn't count on...
Nunzio.
In every 65+ race so far, I have finished second to Nunzio. He is either my hero or my nemesis ("Nunzio!", like "Newman!"). He rides really smoothly, pulls away on every straightaway, never seems to tire, and never makes a mistake. I make mistakes.
In half of the races so far, I have done endos (see the 18th reference on Wikipedia, the one that alludes to flipping "end-over-end", not the one about "marijuana", nor the one about "root canal").
In the season's first race, I didn't get the memo, literally. A late email on the eve of the race warned us to jump, not ride, over a deceptively deep water crossing. Horses know not to enter water when they can't see the bottom, even without checking email. Not I - my front wheel stopped cold and I landed on my helmet. No permanent damage, but I lost a quarter of a lap.
Remind me to tell the story of a more spectacular endo two Labor Days ago.
In the second race, another endo, another lost half-lap. I caught the third-place guy, so I suppose there was some honor in coming in second.
No excuses in the third race, I had one brief fall, but it didn't make much difference, and the best man won. That would be Nunzio, in case you're keeping score..
In yesterday's race, I had my first "tire burp" (dramatic flat tire), but that's worth its own story. Spoiler alert: Nunzio won, I was second.
Don't give up on mathematics just yet, since the 2017 Nationals are for 70-74 year olds, not mere 65-year old children such as Nunzio, but the countdown has started on my 65+ PA State Championship.
For this racing season, I had three things going for me: gears, nation-leading points, and a new 65+ class, even better for me than a 60+ class. All I had to do was get good starts and stay in front of a bunch of old guys - how hard could that be? Perhaps late in the season, after I had an insurmountable lead in cumulative points, I would allow someone else a little glory. I pretty much expected to win every race just by showing up. But there was one thing I didn't count on...
Nunzio.
In every 65+ race so far, I have finished second to Nunzio. He is either my hero or my nemesis ("Nunzio!", like "Newman!"). He rides really smoothly, pulls away on every straightaway, never seems to tire, and never makes a mistake. I make mistakes.
In half of the races so far, I have done endos (see the 18th reference on Wikipedia, the one that alludes to flipping "end-over-end", not the one about "marijuana", nor the one about "root canal").
In the season's first race, I didn't get the memo, literally. A late email on the eve of the race warned us to jump, not ride, over a deceptively deep water crossing. Horses know not to enter water when they can't see the bottom, even without checking email. Not I - my front wheel stopped cold and I landed on my helmet. No permanent damage, but I lost a quarter of a lap.
Remind me to tell the story of a more spectacular endo two Labor Days ago.
In the second race, another endo, another lost half-lap. I caught the third-place guy, so I suppose there was some honor in coming in second.
No excuses in the third race, I had one brief fall, but it didn't make much difference, and the best man won. That would be Nunzio, in case you're keeping score..
In yesterday's race, I had my first "tire burp" (dramatic flat tire), but that's worth its own story. Spoiler alert: Nunzio won, I was second.
Don't give up on mathematics just yet, since the 2017 Nationals are for 70-74 year olds, not mere 65-year old children such as Nunzio, but the countdown has started on my 65+ PA State Championship.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Taking the fork in the road
Cyclocross races are several 1-2 mile laps on twisty courses in county parks, corn fields, campuses, ski slopes, and breweries (not at the same time). Races are by time, not distance. After timing the leaders for a couple of laps, officials decide how many laps the race will be. For example, 45 minute race, 8 minute laps might be 5 laps, 6 if they're sadists. Everyone finishes on the same lap, so if the leader laps us just before the finish, then we're done; if the leader doesn't quite lap us, we have to do a whole 'nother lap. Races are all out, all the time. I hope either for the leader to lap me or for an aneurysm, which ever stops the pain first.
For two years starting in 2010, I raced in the 55+ class. I was seldom last, but not far from it, so I named my one-man racing team Penn Ultimate (get it?). For the next two years, I raced in Category 4. This is the class where people normally start, and they move up to Cat 3, 2 and 1, or age out into Masters classes (35+, 45+, 55+). Cat 4 folks range from "dude - let's go ride our bikes around in the mud" to future superstars accumulating points to move up. There are often 100+ riders, so there is always someone with whom to compete. This is where I learned lessons like "don't fall", "try to pass the guy ahead of you", and "get a starting spot near the front". I think you're supposed to learn this stuff when you're 15, not 65, but I'm a bit of a late bloomer.
By 2014, I chose my niche: I converted my bike to singlespeed (another story) and went back to my true people, Masters 55+. With newfound wisdom, a couple years of conditioning, and the Baby Boom swelling the ranks of 55+, I was adequately competitive: in a dozen races, I averaged in the top 2/3rds. I was in no danger of winning, in little danger of being last, and there was always someone with whom to compete - I had found my place in life, forever.
But a funny thing happened starting November 2nd at Stoudt's Brewery, the belated State Championship. I realized that on some courses, gears actually matter. Then, on the 15th at Kutztown, I learned that hidden within the 55+ class, there was a virtual 60+ class that accumulated points throughout the year, meaning they grade on attendance. Hmm - I can do attendance. I could even reconsider gears.
Then after Thanksgiving, I learned not only was I State Champ, but also if there were a 69+ class2, I would be #1 in the country (based on USA Cycling's incomprehensible points)! Finally, in December, I learned that the Nationals have actual races for 65-69, 70-74, 75-79 and 80+ (there are two guys!). Whoa - in 2017, I would be #1 in points in 70+, therefore, I would win the Nationals!
I had to get me some gears! And some disc brakes! And a carbon frame lighter than my Comcast remote! I went to my beloved bike store, Bikesport 1, and bought a Niner LSD Rodeo (or maybe it's BSB RDO, I was too excited to pay attention). It cost almost as much as my first new car (1974, not much of a car, but still). How do you know when you've spent too much on a bike? When your bike store features your bike at an "Endurance Sports Expo". Just kidding - no price is too high for the 2017 National Champion bike (uh, oh - I hope I didn't disrupt the cosmic timeline by revealing facts from the future).
So, I've gone from being totally at peace with mediocre 55+ finishes to having lofty, some say delusional, goals:
1) drive 12 hours round trip to defend my 65+ State Champ title in 2015
2) enter enough races for podium finish in 60+ year-long class (attendance, not performance)
3) raise my arms at the finish as I win 2017 Nationals as youngest in 70-74
Right now, you're probably wondering "how's the progress toward those goals a third of the way through the 2015 season?", but that's a story for another post.
1 Bikesport is one of the best businesses I've ever dealt with. Even before I was a B-list bike store celebrity, they treated me really, really well. http://www.bikesportbikes.com/
2 Just in case you don't believe that I was first in the nation at some point in a make-believe 69+ class according to USA Cycling's incomprehensible point system, here's proof:
(there are 52 more)
↩
For two years starting in 2010, I raced in the 55+ class. I was seldom last, but not far from it, so I named my one-man racing team Penn Ultimate (get it?). For the next two years, I raced in Category 4. This is the class where people normally start, and they move up to Cat 3, 2 and 1, or age out into Masters classes (35+, 45+, 55+). Cat 4 folks range from "dude - let's go ride our bikes around in the mud" to future superstars accumulating points to move up. There are often 100+ riders, so there is always someone with whom to compete. This is where I learned lessons like "don't fall", "try to pass the guy ahead of you", and "get a starting spot near the front". I think you're supposed to learn this stuff when you're 15, not 65, but I'm a bit of a late bloomer.
By 2014, I chose my niche: I converted my bike to singlespeed (another story) and went back to my true people, Masters 55+. With newfound wisdom, a couple years of conditioning, and the Baby Boom swelling the ranks of 55+, I was adequately competitive: in a dozen races, I averaged in the top 2/3rds. I was in no danger of winning, in little danger of being last, and there was always someone with whom to compete - I had found my place in life, forever.
But a funny thing happened starting November 2nd at Stoudt's Brewery, the belated State Championship. I realized that on some courses, gears actually matter. Then, on the 15th at Kutztown, I learned that hidden within the 55+ class, there was a virtual 60+ class that accumulated points throughout the year, meaning they grade on attendance. Hmm - I can do attendance. I could even reconsider gears.
Then after Thanksgiving, I learned not only was I State Champ, but also if there were a 69+ class2, I would be #1 in the country (based on USA Cycling's incomprehensible points)! Finally, in December, I learned that the Nationals have actual races for 65-69, 70-74, 75-79 and 80+ (there are two guys!). Whoa - in 2017, I would be #1 in points in 70+, therefore, I would win the Nationals!
I had to get me some gears! And some disc brakes! And a carbon frame lighter than my Comcast remote! I went to my beloved bike store, Bikesport 1, and bought a Niner LSD Rodeo (or maybe it's BSB RDO, I was too excited to pay attention). It cost almost as much as my first new car (1974, not much of a car, but still). How do you know when you've spent too much on a bike? When your bike store features your bike at an "Endurance Sports Expo". Just kidding - no price is too high for the 2017 National Champion bike (uh, oh - I hope I didn't disrupt the cosmic timeline by revealing facts from the future).
So, I've gone from being totally at peace with mediocre 55+ finishes to having lofty, some say delusional, goals:
1) drive 12 hours round trip to defend my 65+ State Champ title in 2015
2) enter enough races for podium finish in 60+ year-long class (attendance, not performance)
3) raise my arms at the finish as I win 2017 Nationals as youngest in 70-74
Right now, you're probably wondering "how's the progress toward those goals a third of the way through the 2015 season?", but that's a story for another post.
1 Bikesport is one of the best businesses I've ever dealt with. Even before I was a B-list bike store celebrity, they treated me really, really well. http://www.bikesportbikes.com/
2 Just in case you don't believe that I was first in the nation at some point in a make-believe 69+ class according to USA Cycling's incomprehensible point system, here's proof:
| Region | State | Gender | Discipline | Category | Age Range | |
| - |
Note: Ranking points are NOT upgrade points. An explanation of ranking points can be found here.
... | Current rank points for Road: Cyclocross Mens (69-98) | ||||||
| Rank | Points | Name | City, State | License | Racing Age | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 299.67 | J2M | Pottstown, PA | 443321 | 69 | |
| 2 | 326.04 | james briggs | North Huntingdon, PA | 274597 | 72 | |
| 3 | 332.85 | Rick Abbott | Boulder, CO | 213837 | 69 | |
| 4 | 350.82 | Donald Snoop | Middleburgh, NY | 104325 | 71 | |
| 5 | 363.30 | Whitney Fanning | Waco, TX | 89401 | 70 | |
(there are 52 more)
↩
Thursday, October 8, 2015
2014 PA State Champion 65+
If your only exposure to cyclocross is the "Alone with a Drone" video, mentally add 25 to 125 other cyclists, a couple miles of crime scene tape marking the course, and on a good day, a lot of mud. In many races, add gorilla suits, tutus and beer, always beer.
There are a dozen or so races in the PA Cyclocoross series (PACX), and one race each year is designated as the PA State Championship. 2014's championship race was in early November at Stoudt's Brewery. I race in the 55+ class, and some of those young whippersnappers are way faster than I could ever hope to be. I was only dimly aware that the race was a state championship. My goal was respectable mediocrity. The thought of winning anything never crossed my mind.
And! I was racing my singlespeed bike (that's another story) against guys with gears, so I had to carry the bike up the steepest hill five times. I was lapped by the 55+ leaders. Still, I finished 11th out of 25 - above average! B-? At least C++.
I continued to race in November (another story) with similar results: 11 of 17, 18.of 32, 14 of 23, probably C-. I pretty much forgot about Stoudt's. In December, six weeks after the Championship Race, PACX's weekly email casually mentioned that they were planning to get the 55+ riders' ages and come up with retroactive 55-59, 60-64 and 65-69 State Champions. Who knows how old the guys I race are? They all must be older than me; I look the same as I remember from my 20's, but still, I thought I might have a chance for a podium finish, retroactively. Just in case, I began practicing Tour de France Podium Girl air-kisses ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Podium_girl ).
A couple of weeks later, the PACX email had an obscure link in which, way down at the bottom, I discovered that I was the least slow of the 65+ geezers! I am the champion, my friends - now I have to keep fighting 'til the end.
The link was so obscure it's no longer on the site, but trust me, it said "Gold: J2M". I emailed the PACX guy to confirm my discovery and ask whether there was an actual medal. He said "I'm getting a medal and I'll mail it to you" - maybe it was his medal? Whatever - eleven weeks and two days after the race, I had my medal:
That was delayed gratification at its finest.
Self-deprecation notwithstanding, according to USA Cycling's incomprehensible point system, I would be #1 in the country (US) if there were a 68+ class! OMG! What could I achieve if I had gears? Might I dream of a race in which I could raise my arms as I cross the finish line (and probably fall off the bike)? But that's yet another story.
There are a dozen or so races in the PA Cyclocoross series (PACX), and one race each year is designated as the PA State Championship. 2014's championship race was in early November at Stoudt's Brewery. I race in the 55+ class, and some of those young whippersnappers are way faster than I could ever hope to be. I was only dimly aware that the race was a state championship. My goal was respectable mediocrity. The thought of winning anything never crossed my mind.
And! I was racing my singlespeed bike (that's another story) against guys with gears, so I had to carry the bike up the steepest hill five times. I was lapped by the 55+ leaders. Still, I finished 11th out of 25 - above average! B-? At least C++.
I continued to race in November (another story) with similar results: 11 of 17, 18.of 32, 14 of 23, probably C-. I pretty much forgot about Stoudt's. In December, six weeks after the Championship Race, PACX's weekly email casually mentioned that they were planning to get the 55+ riders' ages and come up with retroactive 55-59, 60-64 and 65-69 State Champions. Who knows how old the guys I race are? They all must be older than me; I look the same as I remember from my 20's, but still, I thought I might have a chance for a podium finish, retroactively. Just in case, I began practicing Tour de France Podium Girl air-kisses ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Podium_girl ).
A couple of weeks later, the PACX email had an obscure link in which, way down at the bottom, I discovered that I was the least slow of the 65+ geezers! I am the champion, my friends - now I have to keep fighting 'til the end.
The link was so obscure it's no longer on the site, but trust me, it said "Gold: J2M". I emailed the PACX guy to confirm my discovery and ask whether there was an actual medal. He said "I'm getting a medal and I'll mail it to you" - maybe it was his medal? Whatever - eleven weeks and two days after the race, I had my medal:
Self-deprecation notwithstanding, according to USA Cycling's incomprehensible point system, I would be #1 in the country (US) if there were a 68+ class! OMG! What could I achieve if I had gears? Might I dream of a race in which I could raise my arms as I cross the finish line (and probably fall off the bike)? But that's yet another story.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Alone with a drone
Click here for video
Producer - Neighbor Craig
Director - Kasey Kirby
Editor - Kasey Kirby
Chief Cinematographer - Kasey
Apprentice Cinematographers: Craig and J2M (on the bike)
Music - Joe Satriani "Surfing with the Alien"
Cyclist - J2M
Producer - Neighbor Craig
Director - Kasey Kirby
Editor - Kasey Kirby
Chief Cinematographer - Kasey
Apprentice Cinematographers: Craig and J2M (on the bike)
Music - Joe Satriani "Surfing with the Alien"
Cyclist - J2M
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